Behind the veil and web of intricate thoughts and stories, I tell myself, lies my deeper truth.
The intricate web of stories and false beliefs I created to protect my deeper vulnerable self from disappointment, shame and ridicule from protective shield became a prison.
If I can go beyond the superficial layers of desires and values that I believe to be mine, can I uncover what really lies at the core of my own life?
The process of uncovering the truth is a life project. It requires courage, patience, dedication and faith to navigate through the moments of weakness and doubts. Piece by piece I reveal the true colours behind so much darkness, I untangle little pieces of deceits and pretence and a different picture starting to appear.
“If I had the power to live the life I wanted to live, well beyond the boundaries of what I know to be realistic, almost like if in a dream where even the most trusted law of physics does not have to count, what life would I create for me? Would I fly without wings? Would I travel the world fearlessly? Would I believe myself as a worthy and lovable person? Would I find happiness in who I am more than in what I do?
Would I fly without wings?
Would I travel the world fearlessly?
Would I believe myself as a worthy and lovable person? Would I find happiness in who I am more than in what I do?
Would I find happiness in who I am more than in what I do?
What life would I live?”
A Borderline undefined Mandala.
It is a different Mandala or maybe not. I’m not sure if it is different in a good way or not, but in this journey I’m trying to accept all of them, to bring all of them to the light: the ones I love, the ones I feel connected with, the ones that I understand and the ones I’m not sure I fully understand or that leave me a bit perplexed or unsure.
I’m sharing all because this is a journey where every effort count, every step even the smallest one has a significance in creating my big picture because all my “successes” contain the myriad of small failures and hard work before them.
In this Mandala, like in this journey of self-discovery and self-coaching that I’m journaling through Mandalas, there are different at times contrasting patterns, different stages connected and at times opposing or hiding from each other.
Like this journey sometimes it seems I have a clear sense of direction, an empowering vision of the arrival line, other times out of the blue I find myself lost as if around me a scary forest populated by imaginary unknown beastly threats has appeared, sometimes it feels like I’m expanding beyond my usual self and a deepening reaching the most secret part of yourself. It is a continuous flow like in a river at some points almost calm and shallow in other becomes agitated deep but always moving. And around these continuous flowing of ideas and changes, some very small others more important, walls are starting to crumble. Some walls are still quite high and strongly in place, but the small changes that I’m in my life are starting to bring them down and the lights are starting to filtrate and bring luminous sparks in what used to feel like a very dark night, the dark blue almost black of the sky is fading into lighter tones of blues.